


trouvaille

by sunshinebbh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Na Jaemin is a Softie, Na Jaemin-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:19:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15495912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinebbh/pseuds/sunshinebbh
Summary: in which jaemin and renjun are thousands of miles apart and can't seem to bridge the distance[ told in five parts resembling that of a play]lowercaps





	trouvaille

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote my first fluff/angst and I hope you like it.
> 
> it's sort of a drabble almost but stretched on far too long for it.  
> i hope no one minds that it is all in lowercaps.  
> if you do,I guess I will edit it.

trouvaille 

  - _ a chance encounter with something wonderful. _

 

**[the beginning]**

 

after months of wondering what he truly felt,he decided he was falling for renjun.

or more precisely,

already had.

 

he couldn't really pinpoint where it began.the process,that is,of falling in love.perhaps it was a gradual change that took over the months they talked to each other or maybe, it really just began when Jaemin decided to private message Renjun’s account to rave about his music. 

 

through late night calls that were early morning wake-up calls for renjun and texts during jaemin's classes when renjun was about to fall asleep, renjun became the constant for jaemin. maybe they were dating - no one ever said it out loud but it was in the little things like how renjun renamed his contact number as sunshine while jaemin always had his as angel.

 

jaemin didn't want to admit it but he had fallen in love to someone who was a million miles apart.

this was exactly what his parents warned him about when he was younger.

“don't trust strangers online.”

“you never truly know what they want.”

but no one ever told him that he could fall in love.

yet here he was,heart racing a thousand miles per hour as he watched renjun talk animatedly about his newest creation. every time renjun smiled or ran his hands through his hair,jaemin was positive he fell a little more in love.

what really sealed the deal for jaemin,despite renjun’s beauty,was him staying up as jaemin studied to encourage him every now and then or taking screenshots of jaemin as they talked well into the early hours of the day just to set it as his lockscreen.

jaemin remembered once talking fondly about how he loved old-school romance with perfume-scented letters and hours of waiting for the telephone to be free just for a few minutes alone. the next month, renjun sent him a vanilla-scented letter as a surprise casually mentioning how he thinks jaemin is like vanilla pine and freshly baked cookies - like a warm home 

if jaemin’s heart could have melted,he was pretty sure it would be a puddle.

the tiniest details like how renjun would send photos of things which reminded him of jaemin or how renjun had an album in his gallery full of jaemin being silly during their calls.

 

the thing that truly connected them both was music. renjun loved producing music and he was constantly working on it at any given point - he built a social profile to showcase his works.jaemin was his earliest fan - when someone reblogged a video of renjun humming along to the beats,jaemin was whipped. he sent encouraging words in the comments regularly and that was how renjun’s music slowly became jaemin’s solace.

renjun would regularly play music during their video chats and they would discuss it to lengths.the day jaemin finally heard him sing,he felt as if his entire world snapped into color. jaemin had been staring half-awake at the blurry screen watching him smile and listening to him as he tuned in for the night when renjun started singing jokingly trying to make jaemin fall asleep.

jaemin remembered sitting up,wider awake than before, whispering only very softly,”sing again.”

renjun had been truly shocked,at least that's what he deciphered from his expression.

 

“you really do like it?” 

“it’s my favorite voice in the world.what’s not to love?”

renjun had smiled so widely. it was jaemin’s favorite memory.

renjun sang again and again until his voice finally lulled jaemin to sleep

 

**[rising action]**

for jaemin, love felt like he was transported into an alternate universe.

a universe where everything else faded but him.it felt like he was floating above on the cloud when he saw renjun smile or he was enveloped in the warmest hug when renjun did things for jaemin trying to bridge the distance as much as possible.

 

his mornings would start with renjun’s sleepy goodnights and his days would end with renjun urging him to sleep properly.

perhaps,the weekends they spent together going on faux-dates was jaemin’s favorite part of it all.

they would video chat with each other in similar surroundings [café,bookstores and so forth] pretending that the two were only a few centimetres away if only for a while.

 

they would occasionally work together.while jaemin studied,renjun would study him whilst composing music.

sometimes,jaemin would feel conscious and whine about it.

he would occasionally say,grinning despite his words, “you shouldn't stare at me - it’s rude”

“i thought i was being subtle but i like looking at you ; you inspire me.”

 

jaemin blushed every single time.

sometimes,jaemin fall asleep whilst still on the video call and renjun would make playlists for him as a present.

renjun would always say that it was for when jaemin needed renjun if he couldn't be around.

 

those playlists would be the only music he ever played during the day.

someone once told jaemin about how home wasn't a building but a feeling and now more than ever,jaemin was certain that renjun was the home he searched for.

 

[ **climax]**

 

love is not a conscious decision one makes suddenly.

no one sits down and thinks to themselves that - today,i will fall in love with the honey-eyed boy with a smile that could put streetlights to shame.

if anything,love hit him like a wave of feelings all at once.

jaemin never expected to find love on his laptop.

neither did he expect it to be so near but constantly out of his reach.

renjun and jaemin would occasionally discuss love.

not theirs but as a phenomenon in itself.

and that day,they discussed theirs.

“you know,renjun,i always do think of the day we met,well,i mean,the day we texted and how far we have come along. forgive me for being cheesy but i thought about this during the class-”, jaemin whispered,only to be cut off by an amused renjun.

 

“you think about me during your classes?god,you're so whipped”, renjun laughed light-heartedly,shaking his head.

 

“you're so much more whipped for me so i win,ha.anyways,as i was saying before you so rudely cut me off, i think the first day we met,you started something.almost like you grew a tree in my heart, expecting it would be fun to swing on its branches,and i let you. when we first started,you know,dating,i didn't think we were anything more than a simple fling if only thousand miles apart. i wasn't looking for love like this but now when i look at our tree,the roots go so deep - how? when did this happen?”

 

jaemin didn't even realize he was crying until he was done and renjun,whose condition mirrored his,asked him to stop crying so much.

 

“i miss you so fucking much”, renjun replied,in between occasionally stopping to wipe his tears,”how can you just say stuff like this and expect me to be okay,nana? somedays,i don't want to call you or text you. i look up flight tickets and i think of abandoning it all for holding your hand and watching the way your eyes twinkle.you’re here for me all the fucking time and i feel so selfish for wanting more.” 

 

love feels like a rollercoaster - it has highs and i lows and it never is quite what you think it is and sooner or later,you have to get off the ride but sometimes it can be worth it to go on a ride again.

 

**[falling action]**

 

they never seemed to catch each other anymore.

with the new academic year and his new production project,renjun was never around anymore.

the wave jaemin thought of earlier was a tide now and he couldn't control it. 

early on,they'd manage to fit in a few video calls per week and jaemin always thought it wasn't enough but now he wanted them back,cursing himself for taking it granted.

 

but he  understood,of course.he didn't expect renjun to put his life on a standstill for them and so jaemin tried to enjoy.

it wasn't enough because here he was,yet again,staring at the smiling face of renjun he set as his laptop wallpaper listening to an audio message renjun sent before. jaemin’s eyes got droopier and droopier as he turned to the audio of renjun singing on loop. it was blurry and hazy but jaemin dreamt of himself looking up at the stars,only to hear a faint whisper,”even if you can't always see me,i will be there for you in the darkest of nights”.

 

jaemin only saw renjun in his dreams now.

-

it was almost maddening how much jaemin thought of renjun.he certainly thought it was maddening how renjun was everywhere - in the music he heard,in the clothes he wore and in the thoughts he had.

jaemin didn't need to be lonely to realize how much renjun’s words rang true. how he couldn't hold renjun when he wanted to or how he wasn't here with him.

 

what scared jaemin the most was renjun’s melody which jaemin surrounded himself with was slowly disappearing amongst the chatter of his surroundings.

they never saw each other anymore and jaemin couldn't take it anymore.

 

on an impulse of anger, frustration and the lingering sadness,jaemin texted him.

 

_ jaemin :  _ we live so far away but i stayed.i stayed because i get to see your smile and get to hear your adorable laugh.you make me feel so wonderful but you aren't here anymore and i miss you.you know what i miss the most? how you sang to me every night i couldn't sleep and it put me to sleep every time. no one can sing like you so your audios are all i have right now. please,injun,text me if only to break it.

_ [seen] _

 

**[ the revelation]**

 

renjun’s beautiful face popped up on jaemin’s phone after the text,a notification asking whether jaemin wishes to accept or decline the call.

 

jaemin let his words wash him over, processing it even though he had been prepared.

he saw it coming

“ _ it's not you,it's me” _

renjun couldn't stand it - the distance,the absence of each other in their lives,the pain it caused the two of them when they wanted to be around each other so much only to grow further apart.

 

-

renjun would always be his first love.

his first safety net - the one who knew all of his secrets,the one who made jaemin playlists, the one who stayed up with jaemin to get him to study,the one who professed his love as often as the sun rose, the one who could have been “the one" and the one jaemin hadn't heard from in months.

 

jaemin liked to believe it was the wrong timing in which they had met. he liked to believe that maybe if they met later in life,things would have worked out in the way they hoped it would but to be honest,jaemin never really believed it himself.he was thankful to have met renjun when and where he did.thankful to have had someone who made him believe that the universe did have soulmates.

renjun didn’t have to be the one for jaemin to be his soulmate,that's what jaemin really believed.

 

“ _ to injun, _

_ it's been months since we talked and ever so often,a glimpse of you comes back to me and I think you would like to know that it doesn't sadden me anymore.for a few months,you gave me everything i wanted and more.i am sorry we fell for each other when the miles between us would pull us apart.i still wish you were a part of my adventure _

_   by nana” _

  
  


__

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
